Success so far!
Booting off the CD is impossible, since it freezes but don't ask me why THIS works:
PXE booting works just fine!
So how come this doesn't work? Who the hell knows. So I have tftp-hpa running on a Gentoo machine here on our network to provide the cd's contents to the boot menu. Adding this to my pxelinux.cfg/default:
LABEL ESX 3i Install
kernel esxi/mboot.c32
append esxi/vmkernel.gz --- esxi/binmod.tgz --- esxi/ienviron.tgz --- esxi/cim.tgz --- esxi/oem.tgz --- esxi/license.tgz --- esxi/install.tgz
I copied the root of the cd off into the esxi folder under the tftp root directory. There's plenty of instructions on how to set this up as well out there, but I can help with some questions if you have them. Let me know how this works for ya'll.